The Ten Year Challenge

Ten years ago this month, in 2009, I was sitting in the bonus room of my house, staring out the window. The television was on in the background, and I had only days earlier put away what few Christmas decorations I put up the month before.

It was a week day, not a holiday, and I was at home. I wasn’t sick, nor was I playing hooky. I was at a place I’d never been in my entire adult life — unemployed.

The company I’d worked for downsized our department (just a few months later the downsized over a hundred additional people before merging with another company.

I had never tied my identity into my job or any company, but I couldn’t deny the growing anger I felt having been let go. It had been several weeks, and as I walked through the holidays and the end of the year, almost zombie-like, I could feel the anger growing. It wasn’t the loss of the job itself that fueled my emotions. It was the loss of time I could have and should have been spending with my family, but gave up, in the name of working harder on behalf of growing someone else’s bank account.

As I continued to stare out that window, and then around the room, the reality of the last four years of my life hit hard. My family had been there for Thanksgiving (2004), which was the last time most of us were all together. Six months after the holidays, my mom passed away. All I could think about on this morning was the time I didn’t get to spend with her, especially during those final months.

A year prior to my reflection (2008) my dad passed away. Many unresolved issues went to the grave with him; more time I will never get back. Time spent at the job; a job that provided the means to pay my mortgage, pay off my car, and gave me the financial ability to cover my bills and help others when I could.

Now that was gone.

The irony? I gave up a lot of my time…to work at a job, that now I didn’t have; which left me with too much time.

My anger grew out of the timing of it all too. I lost a good friend at the end of the previous October, and had only returned from her funeral in early November just a few days before I was given the news. My grieving process over my friend’s passing was interrupted by yet another loss.

So there I was. Looking over the top of the house across from me, back into the woods at the back of their property; trying to decide what my next move was going to be.

I still had a mortgage, and all of the standard bills that came with home ownership. I still needed insurance. I still needed to put gas in the car and food in the fridge.

It was hard to think. And even harder to plan. My present situation had dramatically altered the future I’d already designed for myself.

My heart still ached for my mom, who I couldn’t call to cry over the situation. It had not yet been a full year since saying goodbye to my dad. I couldn’t even turn to my church, that was fresh off of an 18-month in-fighting episode resulting in the pastor’s departure. Another source of grief.

Ten years ago, my world felt upside down and inside out! 

I did not see 2019 in front of me (no one can see the future); and particularly not all that’s happened during those years. But in those moments, I felt alone, forgotten, angry; even mad.

And then I felt determined. And resolute.

I knew I had to move on. I had to make some decisions and get on with my life. It wasn’t just about paying my bills. It was about planning my life. I needed to start living it again.

And so slowly, day by day by week by month, by year….I did just that. I started to live again.

The social media craze for the 10-year challenge, for me, isn’t about showing a photo of what I looked like in 2009 and 2019. Looks can and often are deceiving. I’d rather share a picture of my life’s journey from where I was then to where I am now.

That’s much more impressive to me!