The Bittersweet Grief in Celebrations and Special Occasions
As I sat in the audience watching my oldest nephew being pinned during his promotion ceremony, I couldn’t help but think about how proud my parents; especially my dad, would have been of him. My dad served over 20 years in the US Army; including three tours in two different wars. Growing up on a military base, and later settling just outside of one at his retirement, was the only pre-adult life I knew.
I had several family members who became a part of the military service. Both of my brothers entered the Army right out of high school, with one making it a career choice, just as my dad had done decades earlier. Along the way, that same brother met and married another soldier. So it was no real surprise, but nonetheless exciting, that their oldest would follow in their footsteps as well.
My nephew entered the Army after graduating from college, having also served in the ROTC during high school. He entered as a Second Lieutenant with what started off as being a means to pay for college. That turned into a longer, and successful career in the Armed Forces, moving to First Lieutenant, Captain, and Major. On this day he was once again being rewarded for his hard work — this time becoming a Lieutenant Colonel.
Both of my nephew’s grandfathers served in the Armed Forces. Sadly neither of them could be present for this momentous occasion. My mom and dad (his grandparents on his father’s side), and his mother’s parents, all passed away over the course of the last 13 years.
As I continued watching, I wasn’t just thinking about this ceremony or just about this nephew. I thought about all of the special occasions that have happened over the past decade — including the birth of some great-grandchildren — and the many more to come, in our lives and in the lives of our children, that my parents will never get to be a part of.
There are six kids in my family, but I’m the only one who didn’t have any children when my parents passed away (less than three years apart). But all 19 of my nieces and nephews were born and had the chance to meet both their grandmother and grandfather before they died. Some had long, and deeper relationships than others, but all have memories of time spent with them.
I find that there are times when I don’t just grieve my parents’ absence. I also grieve the fact that they are no longer here to experience the different things going on in my life; the ups and downs. I also have experienced a form of grief just from knowing that my own children; whenever (if ever) that day comes, will never have even a moment of introductions, photos, or memories of the parents who helped to make me who I am today.
Any one else think about those special moments that loved ones have missed and are missing in your life?
A friend of mine shared a verse with me shortly after my mom passed. He had lost his mother almost exactly 10 years earlier. I’m not convinced it means what he meant for it — that our mothers could see and watch us from heaven. But I’m equally not convinced that perhaps that’s not exactly what is meant by this verse.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…” Hebrews 12:1
