National Suicide Prevention – Call 1-800-273-8255!
I hesitated posting anything earlier this week in the aftermath of hearing about Kate Spade’s death. It was hard enough to hear about someone my own age, dying, but to learn that it was a suicide was even harder to take.
I’m also not a therapist or a mental health counselor, and so I didn’t want to carelessly write something that might upset someone, or trigger a negative response.
But this morning, I woke up to the early sounds of text messages coming from family and friends wishing me a Happy Birthday. And just five minutes after I was fully awake, yet still debating whether I really wanted to actually get out of bed that early, another text came through.
Anthony Bourdain, dead at 61. Apparent suicide!
I couldn’t believe what I was reading, and since it was a text and not a news story, I immediately turned on CNN, the network he worked on. And now my ears were confirming what I’d just read.
I’ve heard the statistics. And sadly, the numbers have been growing over the past 15+ years. Just yesterday a report came out that suicide rate in the US was up 30% since 1999 (https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/suicide-rates-are-30-percent-1999-cdc-says-n880926). The CDC report goes on to say:
“While many cases of mental illness may have been diagnosed, the CDC also noted that relationship stress, financial troubles and substance abuse were contributing to the trends.”
There are many factors that lead some people to take their own lives. And while I know “famous” people shouldn’t get any more attention than the teenager next door; the mom you passed in the grocery store last week; the vet who’s been trying to merge back into society since returning from the war. I also know that sometimes, a known person’s actions can help shine a bigger light on a difficult situation; one that we have to stop ignoring, start talking openly about, and DO something.
And that is mental illness and the state of our mental health system here in America.
We have to remove the stigma associated with people who are struggling with various mental health issues. We talk openly about drug and alcohol addictions, and diseases we can see, and physical issues. But there are so many people walking around us with issues we cannot see; just trying to get through the day, afraid we’ll find out that they’re struggling with. Perhaps they are also afraid we’ll judge them, or ignore them, or that they might lose their jobs over the issues they’re fighting. Too often, they may be right.
I have joked with many of my close friends over the years that there’s one scripture in the Bible I have never wanted to follow: James 5:16
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
It’s not that I want to be disobedient to God. But for many people, including myself, it’s not God we don’t trust with our confession, it’s His people. Yes, even people within the Church, those who call themselves Christians, can often be the most judgmental, openly ignoring, embarrassing, or rebuking someone who comes to them with their “sins” or faults or struggles. Or throwing scripture verses at them, or offering prayer without offering physical, financial, or mental and emotional help!
“Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?” James 2:15-16
As a society, we have to do better!
When someone needs help, we need to do better about helping them. We can’t always BE the help, but we can often be the bridge to someone else who can help. Perhaps even before that, we need to do better about getting to know people; having real relationships with people that goes beyond just seeing them at work or school or in church. We need to be willing to be real with them and be open for them to be real with us. Maybe then we’ll all be more willing to truly confess our faults to one another — and then help one another through them.
I know there are many people grieving the lost of loved ones today, while having to also deal with the unfortunate added grief of it being a death by suicide. I can’t even imagine that level of pain and grief family and friends go through in coming to grip with everything that involves. Everyone’s grief is different. Everyone grieves differently.
If that is you today, or someone you know, please click on the Resources page on this website, find the appropriate resources that you need and reach out to someone. And if you, or someone you know is thinking about or has ever thought about suicide, please call 1-800-273-8255!
